One Year. One Continuous Roller Coaster Ride. Still Alive. Finally Loving Life. Here's to Another Successful Year.

So my birthday is tomorrow! Yay, I think? This past year has been one heck of a roller coaster ride of emotions. This time last year, I was in complete fear of starting college, now I'm in complete awe that I'm three semesters in and I'm only looking forward to boosting my GPA from where it's at now to an even higher GPA by the time I transfer. I'm blessed with the year I just lived - I wouldn't trade it for the world. The people I met are absolutely incredible. The way some people touched my life in the past year are absolutely amazing and inspiring. The situations that I've encountered, though some of them were extremely unpleasant, the good times over the past year override the with so much more joy.

There were many times over the last year where I thought it was my last day on Earth, yes I was THAT over dramatic. There were times where I just wanted the day to end because I knew a new day was on the horizon or my meeting with Christ was on that same horizon. Dramatic, I know.

It's interesting on how much life changes in just one year, you know like 365 days. It's refreshing to know that people love me enough to make a difference and an impact on my life. Those are the same people who encourage you to fight longer, strive harder, dream bigger, and chase those dreams longer. Those people know who they are, thank you! Thank you for enduring my first year of college plus summer school. Thank you for encouraging me when I needed it the most. Thank you for believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself. Thank you for not giving up on me and walking out of my life when I deserved it the most. Thank you for directing me back to the Word of God when I was falling short. You&Me? Yeah, we've done a heck of a lot of growing in the past year.

As I sit here on my couch in my room, it's 10:48pm, July 25, 2011, with Boyce Avenue playing softly in the background, listening to my phone buzz because of Facebook alerts, and watching the start of the birthday comments on Facebook come in, I'm in awe that despite all of the situations that I've put some of you through this past year, you still love me. I'm blessed to say that you are those friends that love me through anything.

I don't know where this next year will take me, I can only imagine into a deeper depth than what I'm already in now. I know it'll be another year of changes, learning, and loving. Though my birthday now is just another day to me, nothing really special, because of all of your love and support it will be.

As this next year unfolds into play, I'm for the first time genuinely happy and at peace with where everything is going. Will there be times where I'm scared, intimidated, terrified, nervous, etc? You know it, but after a year like this past one I know I can do it.

Here's to another year of changes, learning, loving, and adventures.

What I've leaned. What I am taking away.

So as I wrap up yet another successful educating semester, I am reminded of what I've learned and what I am taking away from it.

Yes, I did learn a lot academic wise, but I am actually referring to what I learned outside of school and what I am taking away from that.

This semester started off with a launch from a Chi Alpha conference and I had that invincibility feeling of being able to conquer the world. This semester was much different than last. Easier, but not as easy as I would've liked it to be.

What I Have Learned:

I have learned a lot this semester about who I really am in Him and how much more growing up I need to do. I thought I had a lot of things figured out, but then I realized how ignorant I was. I began this semester thinking, "Here we go, another semester, let's get motivated to get four more C's." However, I was caught up short on the statement. I felt the Spirit of the Lord on the inside of me saying, "Don't you think you can do better than that?" I thought about it for a minute and then I realized that I could. So then I set out on a journey that I was going to conquer. As the semester went on, I managed to do just what I was trying to conquer. With all of this my personal devotion time has been intensified as well. I normally set just 30 minutes a day. 15 of it in worship with the following 15 in the Word in complete silence. I normally do this in the beginning of my day. To start it off right. However, it seems that my normal 30 minute devotions have turned into 90 minute devotions. Sometimes it will be 30 minutes in the morning and 60 minutes in the evening. And the 60 minutes in the evening have been the Lord showing me how who I am in Him and how I should see myself. Basically breakthrough. I've leaned that He is the only One who can truly understand me and everything that I go through.

What I Am Taking Away:

I have learned a lot, but I am taking away something extremely valuable. That my worth and value to Him is way more important than my worth and value to someone in this world. Instead of asking Him to forgive me 1,000 times, I'm going to thank Him 1,000 times for already forgiving me. He's my Daddy, my Papa, and the best One ever. I owe my life to Him because He gave a life for me. The life of His Son and with that I am eternally grateful.

"No matter what you go through, your value never changes with God." -Pastor Corrine Cardoza

What Doesn't Kill You, Really Only Makes You Stronger.

A typical SoCal trip wouldn’t be the same without being at a movie theater at least once.  On Saturday, I went to the movie theater with my daddy, uncle, and two cousins to watch Soul Surfer. So here’s the thing, I don’t watch much television, I don’t have a lot of time and there’s nothing really good on, mainly because I live in a house with local channels only, no cable. So I went into this movie with no idea what to expect; I left the movie with a changed perspective, especially on what Philippians 4:13 really means.

We all know what Philippians 4:13 says: “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” –New Living Translation

The movie is about the incredible true story of Bethany Hamilton, the now professional surfer who grew up in Hawaii and at the age of 13 lost her arm. Though a month after the attack, she returned back to the water. She wasn’t going to let anyone tell her that she couldn’t do anything, she was determined to continue surfing because she loved it.

Have you ever thought about it? Do you know how many times we give up something we love just because the process of getting there didn’t necessarily turn out the way we originally planned it to? This movie brought that to my attention. There are times we give up on our dreams because something goes wrong in the process, do you realize how wrong that is?

In the Good News Translation Jeremiah 29:11 says: “I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.”

So here’s a little food for thought… If you were to continue to follow your dreams and only care about what the Lord says about you, don’t you think you’ll live a happier and healthier life? Isn’t He the One who put it in your heart in the first place? So why would you care what someone of this world says? Just a thought.

Philippians 4:13; Jeremiah 29:11

My Papa God has definitely turned my world upside down, in a good way!

Where do I even begin?

A lot has been stirring in my heart lately. I had to write a paper for my English writing class about how other people see me and how I see myself. So for the past week, I've been condensing my caffeine and sugar intake and have been ramping up running, weight lifting, and bike riding along with intaking a lot of fruit and vegetables. A lot of people would call that intensive, however, it has been the most incredible and life changing change that I've ever made in my life. Yeah I'm experiencing muscle pain right now, but it's totally worth it when I am done with a work out and feel totally energized and like I can conquer the world.

My personal devotional/personal worship time has gotten intensive as well. That started about 2 weeks ago after a one-on-one discipleship time I had with the person who is discipling me. I had brought up about at the time for the last few weeks how people have been bugging me about my hat and from there it took an unexpected turn. I think at the time I finally realized that the way I was (and still kind of am) hiding under my hat was somewhat depressing. From that day, I checked out for two and a half days and then on that Wednesday night, I finally broke down in tears. Questioning myself, questioning the way my life is, and questioning if I was making the right decisions at the right time.

The next day it came to me, my insecurity was taking control of my life more so than I wanted it to. So I started googling how to build up my self-esteem. Then I started praying and digging into my Bible more than ever before. It seemed that every time I had a spare moment I had my phone out and was in my YouVersion Bible app. The Lord brought me to this scripture:

"Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it."

-Psalm 139:14 (New Living Translation)

My Papa God has definitely turned my world upside down, in a good way!

So this past Saturday I decided to put my flesh under basically and start working out and eating healthier. I knew what this meant, I had to give up the energy drinks and more than 2 cups of coffee. And yesterday, I realized that I have so much more energy than I actually gave myself credit for. I went on a 3 mile run before church and though my legs were jello, I had more energy than ever before and the last time I had any caffeine was at 11:30 yesterday morning when I was finishing my coffee from my travel cup at school. (and apparently my face was glowing as well.) I never realized how much just one work out can turn a bad day into a good one, I seem to forget about the world and my circumstances when it's just me, my iPod, the wind in my face, and my Papa God for 2-3 miles.

So as I prepare for a fun and adventurous yet tiring and long weekend at the Power Balance Pavilion with the Souled Out Youth Group for Acquire the Fire, I know that God is going to do a lot in everyone that is attending's heart and to be honest, I am beyond stoked!

Psalms 139:14

The Devotion Time That Change The Way That I Look at People.

I was in my devotions this morning on my way to school on light rail and I came across the verse Matthew 22:39 where Jesus says, A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ And if only we all lived by that, could you imagine how much of a better place this might be. Hang in there with me as I begin to rant:

We've all heard that saying, "Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me." But especially in the world today, do we realize how much of a lie that is? Words have so much of an impact on our lives. They can encourage us or words can really demolish us. So much bullying is going on in the schools today, just because of words. I read this Facebook status that was against bullying that backs my point up: 

"The Girl you just called fat? She has been starving herself & has lost over 30lbs. The Boy you just called stupid? He has a learning disability & studies over 4hrs a night. The Girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The Boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. There's a lot more to people than you think. Put this as your status if you're AGAINST bullying."

I will admit, in middle school, I was a bully, and I’m not proud of it. To go from being bullied in elementary school to being the bully in middle school, it’s not a cool thing. I regret those moments of picking up a small innocent sixth grader and throwing them in a trash can or pushing them up against a wall, to show how tough I really wasn’t. Some people have a hard time picturing me being a bully, but it happened and once again I’m not proud of it.

Maybe you’re reading this and you are being bullied right now. I know the line, “It gets better.” Is used by many political figures and celebrities that have spoken out about this subject. And I’m here to say it does. When the storms of life come, keep holding onto the boat of life, because eventually the storms will have to subside, and you’ll make it safely to the harbor. You won’t be a wave crashed upon the shore. You’ll be safely arriving at the harbor. Don’t give up hope because it surely indeed gets better. Always remember this, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Maybe you’re on the other side of the bullying equation, meaning you are the bully, I know what it’s like to be one. Not saying that I’m taking pride in that, but I am saying, being the one causing harm on someone else, is never cool. You’re not cool when you’re the reason why people go home and think about doing something harmful to themselves or even worse taking their own life. I was listening to a motivational speaker named John Maxwell once, and one of the things he said was, “Hurting people, hurt people.” I encourage you this, if you’re hurting someone else because you are hurting, it also gets better only if you reach out for help.

For the bystanders in this horrible equation, Proverbs 31:8 says, “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed.” That verse perfectly states what you should do. Help the person that you normally wouldn’t have helped.

I appreciate and commend you for hanging in there with this ridiculously long rant that I just went on, but it has been definitely on my mind a lot today. Let’s change the atmosphere in the schools. Whether it’s middle or high school or even college or yes even the workplace. It’s time to be kind to one another and change the world for the good.

Matthew 22:39; Proverbs 31:8

Don't Give Up, There is Victory!

So I am 6 weeks into my second semester of my freshman year of college and for the first few weeks of this semester, it wasn't looking up like I thought it would. Especially in my English Reading 10 class, the professor is far beyond not lenient in every area, well at least she was for the first five weeks. I'll be the first to acknowledge that I am stubborn. It just rubs me the wrong way if I start something and don't eventually finish it. I was not going to drop this class unless my livelihood depended on it and even then it would just annoy me, I don't like quitting. It's just not worth it to me. Anyway, the first five weeks of this class were absolutely brutal. For the first three, the professor just sucked the life out of me, even with two more classes to go, I was very bitter. I hated this class with an absolute passion.

Chi Alpha this semester at Sac City just doesn't fit into my schedule because I have a class during it, well one day my class got out early, just in time to go that day. I went and after the Bible Study I was sitting talking with one of the interns there, telling him about this professor and how much I can't stand her belittlement and her sucking the life out of me. He gave probably the best advice about the situation:

You are smarter than this professor knows thinks that you are. Prove her wrong. Work and study hard. She'll eventually realize that she belittling and picking on the wrong student.

That was in like three weeks ago, so I did. There were many times that I wanted to give up, but my stubborn ways and that advice kept me going. Personal issues came up in the professors life and she was constantly late, and it annoyed the heck out of me. If we couldn't be late, why should we? Well to make a long story short, today, after 5 weeks of frustration, after five weeks of praying, "God, it's getting somewhat easier, but is it really all worth it?" Today, the professor showed up on time, however most of the class wasn't prepared for today. I could see the frustration arising from the professor. I was not one of those people who was not prepared, I was probably more prepared than anyone else in the class. So she'd ask a question and I'd very hesitantly raise my hand and answer the question correctly. You could see the amazement in the professors eyes. As I was leaving class today, the professor said this to me, "Thank you for coming so prepared, I'm glad I now know that what I am teaching is sinking in someones head. Have a great weekend."

You know that epic feeling you get when you finally did something right or finally got it into someones head that you may have two learning disabilities and maybe a little slow most of the time, but you aren't dumb? I think I've officially experienced that for the first time today.

So let me conclude this post with some advice, even when life gets tough, don't give up. You are placed where you are for a reason. I heard this line from someone, "If you're going through a tunnel of hell, don't stop, keep advancing forward because eventually you will have to get to the end of that tunnel."

Keep you're head up, don't give up! That's what I have for you today.

Philippians 4:13

If you don't love the One who loved you before you even knew how love, is it really true love?

I refuse to be not original, so I am not going to say, Happy Valentines Day! I'm sorry, but I just don't have it in me. I personally think that this day was invented for Hallmark to make money. However, that's my personal opinion. Why do we need a day devoted to love, when we should be living a life of love? Okay maybe, just maybe, it's a little bit of bitterness, maybe I'm a bit too opinionated. But at the same time, please don't be stubborn and admit, I have a little bit of truth behind what I am saying. Yeah Jesus is the ultimate and most incredible Valentine, I'm not saying He's not. What I am saying is that this world take Valentine's day a little too seriously. Let me phrase this question: If you only by the love of your life, chocolate, flowers, etc on Valentines day and not any other day to surprise them, are you just going through the motions of love? My mom and stepdad surprise each other on pretty much a daily basis with gifts. My stepdad buys flowers for my mom 99.99% of the time he goes to Costco. Not saying that your love for that special person is fake, if you do only buy them chocolate, flowers, and etc on this day. Here's what I am saying, the world sometimes takes love and basically sugar coats it to be less than it really is.

My prayer on a daily basis since the beginning of this chaotic second semester has this:

"Lord, let this be my prayer. That I live a life of love because You first loved me with this love that is so unconditional. That I live a life of kindness because You first were kind to me. That I live a life of patience because You are paitent with me even when I am undeserving. That I live a life of boldness to impact this world and bring them with me to Your kingdom. That I will live a life fully serving You. In Your Name I pray, Amen!"

Our Papa God first loved us before the foundations of the world, so maybe you're like me today, single. God is there to be your Valentine, this post was nothing saying that He wasn't. This post was supposed to be encouraging, sorry if it wasn't. I just am done with the sterotypical "holiday" when that is the only time that people show love truly. My only prayer is that maybe you can see my heart. I am not against Valentines day or love for another human being, whether it be romantically or just because. I am all for that, in God's timing. But let me conclude this post with this, if you don't love the One who loved you before you even knew how love, is it really true love?

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

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