Some things in my life need to change and by some things, I mean everything! I've come to the realization that failure, is not a good thing. I recently downloaded the YouVersion application to my phone. Mainly it gives me something positive to read on my way to school. So today, I flipped out my phone, and was reading a verse in 2 Corinthians 13:5, I read it in the Message version, mainly so I could understand it and it brought a whole new light to everything I'm going through. It says:
"Test yourselves to make sure you are solid in the faith. Don’t drift along taking everything for granted. Give yourselves regular checkups. You need firsthand evidence, not mere hearsay, that Jesus Christ is in you. Test it out. If you fail the test, do something about it."
So basically in a nutshell I needed to read that, I don't even remember how I got there, all I remember was reading it. I read it after learning that I basically failed my third English test and took my business law exam. I felt basically like a complete and total failure. I was on the verdge of beating myself up, but then I remember what someone in my life told me to do when I got to that point. She told me to make a concious effort to not beat myself up. So today I did so. I made that concious effort to not beat myself up, I pulled my phone out again and read that verse that I mentioned above. My hands are shaking, they have been since, I read it for the second time. God is amazing and is working things out in my life, and I am excited for what is to come.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Who am I, Even When the Tests and Trials Hit?
I going through a period of change, transition, and a little bit of searching with God. Everything in my life seems to be changing some for the good and some for the not so good. I am transitioning back to actually leaving the house for school. The 5am alarm clock couldn't go off any earlier most mornings, then as I drag myself to my 8am class, I always ask God if this is the right way to go. I feel like I am skating on really thin ice and I am going to collapse at any moment. Everything is changing. From school to my internship to my youth group. My brother said to me the other day,"Well, change is good sometimes..." That coming out of my younger brother mouth just about shocked me. Then I started thinking, I need to search God's Word, if it really is a book to help you through every trial in life, then it can help me with all the change going down in life right now. I was laying in bed last night just thinking about this change in life and this thought occurred to me, "Maybe that line, 'there's a reason for everything' actually is true. Maybe God's trying to show me not only who I am when things are good, but who I am when my whole world's falling apart." I was blown away, I tossed in turned hoping to feel like I didn't think that. Then throughout today the thought came back. "God is probably trying to teach me not only who I am when every thing's good, but who I am when every thing's bad." I tried to ignore it, I tried to say I didn't think that, but I did. I could go on, but I want to come back and read my blog, so I won't bore you. I'll definitely break this down in entries to come. So I leave you with a piece of advice and a question:
Question:
Who are you not only when things are good, but when everything in your world's falling apart?
The piece of advice is actually is a verse from the Bible:
"But the LORD is with me like a mighty warrior;
so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail.
They will fail and be thoroughly disgraced;
their dishonor will never be forgotten." -Jeremiah 20:11 (NIV)
Question:
Who are you not only when things are good, but when everything in your world's falling apart?
The piece of advice is actually is a verse from the Bible:
"But the LORD is with me like a mighty warrior;
so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail.
They will fail and be thoroughly disgraced;
their dishonor will never be forgotten." -Jeremiah 20:11 (NIV)
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Here's to a New Life.
I think back to this time two years ago, I was not motivated at all. I was a sophomore in high school, just skating by doing the bare minimum to get by. Then I look at who I was just this time year. I was on a high from going to City on the Hill. I was much more motivated - I wanted ti graduate in 2010, not 2011. I remember all those late nights making my early graduation a reality. There were a lot of tears, a lot of coffee on those late nights, then there were a lot of dreams of receiving my high school diploma, then when it became a reality, when I was up on that stage, I knew I did a lot of growing in just a school year period. All it took was City on the Hill to change my view on life because right now, as I type this blog post out, I am sitting in the library of Sacramento City College. So now as I look out the window, I see my school's quad, I see a lot of trees, I see students here walking to classes, I see a future that is so bright, I see where I've come from, I see potentially where I am going. I met with a guy who just graduated from here this past spring, he was the student body president, and is now working for Students for Life, and is a junior at Liberty College, I am going to help him start and lead a pro-life group here on campus. Me? Out of all people, if it wasn't for City on the Hill, I'd be a senior in high school, struggling with what I was struggling just this time last year. A building block was formed by a woman named Karen England. She not only took good care of me with a headache just a month ago, she put on a youth leadership conference that changed my life, forever. So Karen, if you're reading this, I am forever indebted to you! You can't find many people who are willing to play at patient mock governor to a group of high schoolers who play a mock legislature. I couldn't ask for a better life. Yes it is full of challenges and mishaps, but it is so worth it when you step off lightrail and you are on campus two days a week and you can make a difference at the same time. Here's to a new life, full of challenges and mishaps, journeys and adventures.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Here's to Living the Dream.
It started off with a graduation --- my graduation. I saw 13 years of hard work pay off in a 2.5 hour ceremony. I was headed into my first summer vacation since entering the 7th grade. I had no clue what to expect. Then it started --- my summer has consisted of the following things:
Visiting with my daddy.
Campaigning for Steve Poizner
Missions Trip --- Hollywood, California
Internship --- Housing Group Fund
City on the Hill Youth Leadership Conference --- put on by Capitol Resource Institute
Though that seems like a lot --- this summer went by way too fast. I have learned and grown so much. Heading to SCC in a few weeks. I am stoked --- nervous --- scared --- all in one. This has been the best summer of my life and if I could relive it over and over again --- I think I'd be the happiest person on the planet. Ready to take on college by storm. Here's to a new life --- to making new friends --- networking with potential employers --- seeing the world --- living the dream. Here's to forgetting that is behind me --- learning from my mistakes --- staying strong in the midst of a battle --- living the dream. Here's to new and exciting challenges --- adventures --- a new defined relationship with God --- living the dream that He has planned for me. Here's to new late night conversations with old and new friends --- to new friend drama --- to loving God as each day goes on --- living the dream. Here's to living out the dream that God had for me long before the foundations of the Earth. Here's to a new life --- conquering the world --- here's the path through adulthood.
Visiting with my daddy.
Campaigning for Steve Poizner
Missions Trip --- Hollywood, California
Internship --- Housing Group Fund
City on the Hill Youth Leadership Conference --- put on by Capitol Resource Institute
Though that seems like a lot --- this summer went by way too fast. I have learned and grown so much. Heading to SCC in a few weeks. I am stoked --- nervous --- scared --- all in one. This has been the best summer of my life and if I could relive it over and over again --- I think I'd be the happiest person on the planet. Ready to take on college by storm. Here's to a new life --- to making new friends --- networking with potential employers --- seeing the world --- living the dream. Here's to forgetting that is behind me --- learning from my mistakes --- staying strong in the midst of a battle --- living the dream. Here's to new and exciting challenges --- adventures --- a new defined relationship with God --- living the dream that He has planned for me. Here's to new late night conversations with old and new friends --- to new friend drama --- to loving God as each day goes on --- living the dream. Here's to living out the dream that God had for me long before the foundations of the Earth. Here's to a new life --- conquering the world --- here's the path through adulthood.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
City on the Hill Youth Leadership Conference 2010: I survived!
I went to City on the Hill last year and was so motivated after leaving I graduated from high school a whole year early. This year I had plans to rock City on the Hill so hard that I didn't expect what happened to actually happen. Here's my City on the Hill story:
It really started the night before, I was packing for this amazing life changing week, I had worked all day that day at my internship, so I was feeling tired yet stoked beyond belief. Though that next afternoon felt at a distance, it managed to come very quickly. The next morning I woke up to a business call and the thought after hanging up was, "Am I not on vacation?" From there, I got up and got ready for the day, it was a start of an amazing week. It felt like nothing in the world could stop me because I was on top of the world.
The festivities started with dinner, ice breakers, and bowling. Then worship and small groups. We got to know each other and bonded pretty quickly. Heading to bed that night in the William Jessup University's apartments was the last thing I did that night. I didn't sleep much that night. It was a mixture of excitement and soreness. The ice breakers were really intense that night. The alarm could not have gone off any earlier the next morning. The excitement overpowered the exhaustion. I was ready to take on City on the Hill. Nothing was going to stop me.
Take a look at Tuesday night's Newscast:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xq5twM_6aKg
The first day consisted of serious politicing and elections. It was the start of the week and I was seriously starting to get in the game. Following side my Party Leader Assembly woman Lucy LeFever. It felt as if I were on top of the world. The day consisted of a lot of caucusing and a lot of political drama. It was like that until worship that night, where it seemed that we all put it aside to worship our one true God. Then in small groups where we literally poured our hearts out to each other, forgetting about what party we were on, the plans we were making with each other and privately to ourselves.
Take a look at Wednesday's Newscast:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZNXWEiEyM0
Thursday took a turn for me physically, mentally, and even emotionally. We headed to the California State Capitol for the first of two visits. I woke up with a bit of a headache that morning. I took some Excedrin and headed down to breakfast. It went away until half way through our visit to the Capitol. Then pulling Governor Karen England aside and telling her what was wrong, she then turned to the staff and my small group leader gave me some Advil and then I sat in the back of the committee room and tried to get the headache to go away. It was ruining my plans at City because I can only play cool for so long before things got too out of hand for me. My small group leader happened to work at the Capitol so she put me on the couch in her boss' office. I heard people walking and talking. It was too much for me. Then I walked out to the executive director of Capitol Resource Institute (or rather Governor Karen England) saying, "I'll take her back to William Jessup." So I walked to her car with her, kicked my shoes off, and put sunglasses and Karen's suit jacket over my face. Getting back to William Jessup to taking a nap turned into an interesting night. I woke up from the nap feeling like a huge truck hit my face. Dinner was brought up to me in the apartment by my small group leader. Then trying to come down to session didn't necessarily turn out in my favor. I was met by the Governor not even halfway out of the apartment complex. "What are you doing?" her question was to me. "I thought you wanted me out for session." my answer was to her. "No, you need to sleep. I am going to give you a Tylenol PM and you should go to bed." Walking back up to my apartment with her I was starting to feel like a loser and a failure. That night I slept for a good 11 hours.
Watch the Thursday night newscast:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dT8DsaYyHI
The next day when the alarm went off I was wide awake, but my head wasn't feeling any better. Yet I told everyone I was feeling a little better, so City people you now know the truth. It was another interesting day. I woke up not knowing anything that happened the night before and no one would tell me what happened. All I got was, "How are you feeling?" At breakfast that morning, I got two sisters talking to me. One said, "Halie, whatever you do, don't sign the petition." and the other one said, "Halie, whatever you do, sign that petition." I was now feeling like a complete and total loser and failure. I had no clue what to do. My plans to take over were crushed. The petition was to call an emergency floor session to call our speaker of the house, Assemblyman Kyle Sasai out of the seat. So I ended up signing it. Then they day just got worse like my head. During the emergency floor session, I asked Karen if I could step outside for a minute. After getting her okay, I stepped outside and my head hurt so bad I was crying. Well I was out there for literally 60 seconds then I made the mistake of going back inside crying. When Karen saw tears coming down my face she was immediately at my side. Then after I told her it was just my head, she gave me an ultimatum. "You have two options. You can either call your mom and go home or you can take something and go take a nap." I went with the second choice, mainly because I am stubborn. So I went up to miss committee and take a nap and as I was laying in bed with a pillow over my face, I thought, "My mom payed over $400 dollars for me to be here and I am missing half of it. So then I got up hoping to go down to committee and it's like Karen was at the bottom of the elevator waiting for me. "You're feeling better?" she asked. "No, but I want to present my bill on the floor tomorrow." "You'll be able too, but in order for that to happen you need to rest. Sleep until dinner and then enjoy the talent show tonight." I finally gave in, she's a mom, so I guess she knew what was best for me. I went in and took the nap as she requested. I got up from the nap and my head felt slushy. I couldn't think straight at all. I went down to eat because I needed to outweigh the medication I had taken with food. So I went down and ate. Then headed to the lecture hall for the nights activites. I was fine until Karen brought up the rules for the chamber floors the next day. "Is there any questions?" she asked everyone. My hand went up and over my head, "Was that a half risen hand Halie?" she asked me. "I can talk to you in private." "Okay then..." Then worhip started and she came to me and asked what was wrong. "How is my bill going to be presented tomorrow?" I asked her. "As if it was passed in committee." "Oh great," I thought to myself, "special treatment." "Oh okay." I said to her, but my voice was shaky, so she followed that up with, "Is something wrong?" Then I told her, "This week did not turn out the way I planned it to be. I feel like a, a..." "A what Halie?" "Like a failure." "You're not a failure. You had a headache. It's not your fault." She hugged me and then put me in front of Clara LeFever who had massaged my head, back, and shoulders twice that day already and she did it willingly again. Before the talent show Clara took me into the bathroom to try and do something and I told her how I was feeling and she hugged me and we stepped outside of the bathroom and she said, "Halie, I was thinking after small group the other night of how much more outgoing you are this year and how you act like an alum. You are not a failure..." We headed back in for the talent show and then we headed to bed because the next morning was coming early.
A breaking newscast that came about on Friday:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJPdEh_kAls
Saturday came and it was the pinnacle the frosting on the cake of the week, we headed down to the chamber floors of the state capitol. We all had 3 bills all week long, 2 to oppose and 1 to support. The first bill I opposed was a bill that I was not necessarily ready for. I got up there and totally winged it. Then afterwards I looked at Karen and said, "See? This is why I should've been at committee." She said, "Halie... you had a headache." I never felt more like a failure in my life. The day went on, I manged to be a pro temp speaker of the house with a huge headache. Heading back to William Jessup that afternoon to take a nap because I knew a long night was ahead of me. Waking up for the banquet that evening with a headache that I could manage for the first time since it started. I was sad to see the week end. I needed it to go on another week, I wanted my plans to go into effect. I was planning on making speaker and causing just as much drama as Kyle did. It seemed like fun, the parts I was in were fun too, I just wish that my head didn't have to hurt so bad.
My bill got signed even under the circumstances. Even when I felt like a failure the night before while writing it. I kept thinking to myself, "What's the use? It's going to fail on the floor. I am going to embarrass myself in front of everyone!!! I am such a loser. I am such a failure." Then after the banquet we all headed out to a candle light ceremony, where a lot of us told how the week impacted us. Then the night really began, tshirt signing, and then in bed by 2am? Then I was awoken up three hours later by a lot of the last year alums to watch the sunrise with them.
That was my week. Sorry that it was so long...again! haha! A special thanks goes out to Karen England and Clara LeFever, even though you both say I don't owe you anything, I really do. Karen, you took care of me last week and Clara you willing massaged my head, back, and shoulders even when I didn't ask you too. I am forever indebted to you both! I love you both sooo sooo very much! I wouldn't have made it through the week with out you guys!!
This week God showed me many things. Like relaxing is not a bad thing. And when someone gives you an ultimatum, you should listen to them, they obviously care enough to give you the ultimatum. I hung out with my amazing City friends and made new ones. And soooo much more! However this is another long blog post, so I might break it down in other blog entries. Until next time, I am signing off!
It really started the night before, I was packing for this amazing life changing week, I had worked all day that day at my internship, so I was feeling tired yet stoked beyond belief. Though that next afternoon felt at a distance, it managed to come very quickly. The next morning I woke up to a business call and the thought after hanging up was, "Am I not on vacation?" From there, I got up and got ready for the day, it was a start of an amazing week. It felt like nothing in the world could stop me because I was on top of the world.
The festivities started with dinner, ice breakers, and bowling. Then worship and small groups. We got to know each other and bonded pretty quickly. Heading to bed that night in the William Jessup University's apartments was the last thing I did that night. I didn't sleep much that night. It was a mixture of excitement and soreness. The ice breakers were really intense that night. The alarm could not have gone off any earlier the next morning. The excitement overpowered the exhaustion. I was ready to take on City on the Hill. Nothing was going to stop me.
Take a look at Tuesday night's Newscast:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xq5twM_6aKg
The first day consisted of serious politicing and elections. It was the start of the week and I was seriously starting to get in the game. Following side my Party Leader Assembly woman Lucy LeFever. It felt as if I were on top of the world. The day consisted of a lot of caucusing and a lot of political drama. It was like that until worship that night, where it seemed that we all put it aside to worship our one true God. Then in small groups where we literally poured our hearts out to each other, forgetting about what party we were on, the plans we were making with each other and privately to ourselves.
Take a look at Wednesday's Newscast:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZNXWEiEyM0
Thursday took a turn for me physically, mentally, and even emotionally. We headed to the California State Capitol for the first of two visits. I woke up with a bit of a headache that morning. I took some Excedrin and headed down to breakfast. It went away until half way through our visit to the Capitol. Then pulling Governor Karen England aside and telling her what was wrong, she then turned to the staff and my small group leader gave me some Advil and then I sat in the back of the committee room and tried to get the headache to go away. It was ruining my plans at City because I can only play cool for so long before things got too out of hand for me. My small group leader happened to work at the Capitol so she put me on the couch in her boss' office. I heard people walking and talking. It was too much for me. Then I walked out to the executive director of Capitol Resource Institute (or rather Governor Karen England) saying, "I'll take her back to William Jessup." So I walked to her car with her, kicked my shoes off, and put sunglasses and Karen's suit jacket over my face. Getting back to William Jessup to taking a nap turned into an interesting night. I woke up from the nap feeling like a huge truck hit my face. Dinner was brought up to me in the apartment by my small group leader. Then trying to come down to session didn't necessarily turn out in my favor. I was met by the Governor not even halfway out of the apartment complex. "What are you doing?" her question was to me. "I thought you wanted me out for session." my answer was to her. "No, you need to sleep. I am going to give you a Tylenol PM and you should go to bed." Walking back up to my apartment with her I was starting to feel like a loser and a failure. That night I slept for a good 11 hours.
Watch the Thursday night newscast:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dT8DsaYyHI
The next day when the alarm went off I was wide awake, but my head wasn't feeling any better. Yet I told everyone I was feeling a little better, so City people you now know the truth. It was another interesting day. I woke up not knowing anything that happened the night before and no one would tell me what happened. All I got was, "How are you feeling?" At breakfast that morning, I got two sisters talking to me. One said, "Halie, whatever you do, don't sign the petition." and the other one said, "Halie, whatever you do, sign that petition." I was now feeling like a complete and total loser and failure. I had no clue what to do. My plans to take over were crushed. The petition was to call an emergency floor session to call our speaker of the house, Assemblyman Kyle Sasai out of the seat. So I ended up signing it. Then they day just got worse like my head. During the emergency floor session, I asked Karen if I could step outside for a minute. After getting her okay, I stepped outside and my head hurt so bad I was crying. Well I was out there for literally 60 seconds then I made the mistake of going back inside crying. When Karen saw tears coming down my face she was immediately at my side. Then after I told her it was just my head, she gave me an ultimatum. "You have two options. You can either call your mom and go home or you can take something and go take a nap." I went with the second choice, mainly because I am stubborn. So I went up to miss committee and take a nap and as I was laying in bed with a pillow over my face, I thought, "My mom payed over $400 dollars for me to be here and I am missing half of it. So then I got up hoping to go down to committee and it's like Karen was at the bottom of the elevator waiting for me. "You're feeling better?" she asked. "No, but I want to present my bill on the floor tomorrow." "You'll be able too, but in order for that to happen you need to rest. Sleep until dinner and then enjoy the talent show tonight." I finally gave in, she's a mom, so I guess she knew what was best for me. I went in and took the nap as she requested. I got up from the nap and my head felt slushy. I couldn't think straight at all. I went down to eat because I needed to outweigh the medication I had taken with food. So I went down and ate. Then headed to the lecture hall for the nights activites. I was fine until Karen brought up the rules for the chamber floors the next day. "Is there any questions?" she asked everyone. My hand went up and over my head, "Was that a half risen hand Halie?" she asked me. "I can talk to you in private." "Okay then..." Then worhip started and she came to me and asked what was wrong. "How is my bill going to be presented tomorrow?" I asked her. "As if it was passed in committee." "Oh great," I thought to myself, "special treatment." "Oh okay." I said to her, but my voice was shaky, so she followed that up with, "Is something wrong?" Then I told her, "This week did not turn out the way I planned it to be. I feel like a, a..." "A what Halie?" "Like a failure." "You're not a failure. You had a headache. It's not your fault." She hugged me and then put me in front of Clara LeFever who had massaged my head, back, and shoulders twice that day already and she did it willingly again. Before the talent show Clara took me into the bathroom to try and do something and I told her how I was feeling and she hugged me and we stepped outside of the bathroom and she said, "Halie, I was thinking after small group the other night of how much more outgoing you are this year and how you act like an alum. You are not a failure..." We headed back in for the talent show and then we headed to bed because the next morning was coming early.
A breaking newscast that came about on Friday:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJPdEh_kAls
Saturday came and it was the pinnacle the frosting on the cake of the week, we headed down to the chamber floors of the state capitol. We all had 3 bills all week long, 2 to oppose and 1 to support. The first bill I opposed was a bill that I was not necessarily ready for. I got up there and totally winged it. Then afterwards I looked at Karen and said, "See? This is why I should've been at committee." She said, "Halie... you had a headache." I never felt more like a failure in my life. The day went on, I manged to be a pro temp speaker of the house with a huge headache. Heading back to William Jessup that afternoon to take a nap because I knew a long night was ahead of me. Waking up for the banquet that evening with a headache that I could manage for the first time since it started. I was sad to see the week end. I needed it to go on another week, I wanted my plans to go into effect. I was planning on making speaker and causing just as much drama as Kyle did. It seemed like fun, the parts I was in were fun too, I just wish that my head didn't have to hurt so bad.
My bill got signed even under the circumstances. Even when I felt like a failure the night before while writing it. I kept thinking to myself, "What's the use? It's going to fail on the floor. I am going to embarrass myself in front of everyone!!! I am such a loser. I am such a failure." Then after the banquet we all headed out to a candle light ceremony, where a lot of us told how the week impacted us. Then the night really began, tshirt signing, and then in bed by 2am? Then I was awoken up three hours later by a lot of the last year alums to watch the sunrise with them.
That was my week. Sorry that it was so long...again! haha! A special thanks goes out to Karen England and Clara LeFever, even though you both say I don't owe you anything, I really do. Karen, you took care of me last week and Clara you willing massaged my head, back, and shoulders even when I didn't ask you too. I am forever indebted to you both! I love you both sooo sooo very much! I wouldn't have made it through the week with out you guys!!
This week God showed me many things. Like relaxing is not a bad thing. And when someone gives you an ultimatum, you should listen to them, they obviously care enough to give you the ultimatum. I hung out with my amazing City friends and made new ones. And soooo much more! However this is another long blog post, so I might break it down in other blog entries. Until next time, I am signing off!
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