The Difference.

No words can even begin to explain what I’ve experienced in the past two weeks. It started on Friday, January 14, 2011. I spent that weekend at the Chi Alpha Winter Conference and it launched me into what already has been a tough semester. By the end of the week, I was so dry. Already? It hadn’t even been a week since the winter conference, I was already sucked dry? Say what? Luckily, we were having special services at my church to fill me back up. I was ecstatic, well for the most part. The meetings went from Saturday morning to Tuesday night. I was pretty bummed that I missed four out of the seven meetings, but what I caught was perfectly enough. From what I heard of Saturday’s woman’s meeting, I was in for a pretty epic roller coaster ride. I walked in Sunday morning, expecting to leave with what I needed. Little did I know, I would literally leave forever changed. I have never heard these two people preach, so I spent the first service observing. What I observed was people leaving the service, healed.



Note: Just literally a week before that, I saw someone walk into the winter conference on crutches and walked out carrying them because he didn’t need them anymore. You cannot tell me that there’s not a God because I’ve seen evidence that He is real and He is working.


So anyway, Monday morning came, and I walked into my English Reading 10 class and I was so ready to take on a week of school, but that particular professor of mine seems to like to suck the life out of me, make me not want to learn. I left that class half empty, which made me then want to not move forward. Monday was just not my day. A lot of tears were shed, but God was and still is doing a work in me that I cannot begin to describe. Monday finally ended and Tuesday arrived. It was a little easier, a little bit more fun. After my five hour photography class, I was in the library, in an intense study session. When I headed to church that evening, I was on empty.


What changed my life in that service though, didn’t really take place until the next night, last night if you’re wondering when, the lady ministering, Ilke Peh, came up prayed for me, I fell down, then getting up was a struggle with the position I was in, two of my younger brothers helped me up and then Ilke grabbed my wrist and said one word three times. That one word was, warrior. I can remember exactly what she said crystal clear, “Warrior, warrior, warrior. Lord, use her to be a warrior after you.” Now I’ve been called a fighter before, but never a warrior. So I decided to look up the two words to get a better feeling of what was prayed over me.


The word fighter means a person with the will, courage, determination, ability, or disposition to fight, struggle, resist, etc.

The word warrior means a person engaged or experienced in warfare; soldier.

(Note: These are just one definition not all of them.)

Last night, I had such a beautiful “aha” moment, because I was thinking about it all day yesterday, it was bugging me. The difference between ‘warrior’ and ‘fighter’. So I looked up the words, and then I felt down in my spirit, “You are a warrior, not a fighter. Yes, you will fight for what is right, but I want you to be more of a warrior than a fighter.”


Tears streaming down my face, something that I will cherish. That I am a warrior more than a fighter. Probably the most intimate time with my Papa God that I’ve ever had. He is doing a work in me that is indescribable, uncontainable, so incredible, undeniable, and I am going to embrace each and every moment of it.

I'm pretty stoked that you read this whole thing. I commend you for that. This was ridiculously long, and you probably have other stuff you could've done in the last four minutes. So to you or someone else who have spent the last four minutes on me and what God is doing in my life, thank you. Because you certainly didn't have too.

Jeremiah 20:11

A Moment of Complete Surrender...

How did you spend your MLK holiday weekend? With friends and/or family? Maybe you slept in or if you started school this week got ready for the spring semester. I spent my 3 day holiday weekend/last 4 days of my Christmas break with my Chi Alpha family. And I was going to do an entry about the whole weekend, but that'd take me until the end of the spring semester to type it all out. (Yes, that was this thing called a joke, you can let all the laughter out.)

However, I feel like I should share an experience I encountered on Sunday morning.

I was fighting a roller coaster ride full of emotions and the enemy filling my head with useless junk, like, "You obviously love your Chi Alpha family, who you've only known since the beginning of October and some for the last month, and some you just met, more than your church family, who you've known for ten years. You're here, not at your home church, you're such a failure." See? Useless junk.

I found myself playing with the jacket tag of someone who I consider a big sister and even a little bit of a mentor during worship. (Look to the right, she's running for Miss California, like the fan page suggest it to your friends, pretty please?) Anyway, they started playing the song, How He Loves and God started to show me what He was doing in my heart, as tears ran down my face, I surrendered my life again to God, I surrendered my semester to Him, and I felt these arms around me, but no one was hugging me. The moment I surrendered and ran back to the arms of my Papa God, was the moment the peace of God fell upon me.

The semester started yesterday and I'll be completely honest, it's already been stressful. I found myself stressing over a class today and then I was brought back to the surrender moment on Sunday morning, and surrendered my life, my situation, my semester to Him. The peace wad brought back to my fists grasp.

I know for college students, the semester has either it's been back in session since the third, started this week, or starts next week, I know it can be stressful, but in the midst of all of that, I encourage you to do what a friend of mine always tells me, spend time with the Lord, seek out His promises, and stay grounded in His word. One of my many goals this semester, I encourage you guys to join me, this includes stressed out high school students as well.

Psalm 71

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A Small Solution.

I've noticed a lot recently that there's a lot of heartache and rejection in the world. I guess I've always knew it was there, but I never really thought about it until recently. Until something in my life and in my heart changed. I'm not led to share what that is yet, still sorting through a roller coaster ride of emotions at the moment.

I think the solution to all the heartache and rejection in the world is a lot more complicated than it's shown on the surface, but a few weeks ago, my pastor said it perfectly.

"I have the complete confidence in knowing that in the Father's arms, I will not be rejected or get my heart broken."

For the past week, as I stumbled across this interesting mountain that life just threw at me, I found myself needing to be in the arms of my Papa God. Crying into His chest persay. And He's the one who walked in, when it felt like the whole world walked out on me.

If I've learned anything from this interesting mountain already, it's that in the reality of it all, relying on an imperfect human being to always be there for you only results in heartache. Trying to hard to get an imperfect human beings love and attention only results in rejection. However, relying on our Papa God to always be there for you, leads to pure satisfaction and comfort and you don't have to try to hard to get our Papa God's love and attention because whether you want it or not, you've got it because He created you and longs to be with you.

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Definetly a More Confident Guitar Player and Servant of God.

Tonight, I saw a year of hard work not only pay off, but used for God's glory. As a lot of you know, I am apart of the Souled Out Youth band in my church's youth group. I've been playing for a little over a year now. We've led worship in the main sanctuary before, but there was something different about tonight. Not only we thrown a curve ball earlier this afternoon telling us we were going to play tonight in the main sanctuary, but I do believe that we were ready for what seemed like the impossible. We've been pushed out of our comfort zones a lot in the past year. I do believe that I'm a more.confident guitar player now. God has and still using us to bless His people and I'm blessed with the honor to do so. As a band we've grown and bonded and I'm honored to grow more and jam with these incredible people in the year(s) to come.

To the Souled Out Youth worship band, here's to the.start to something a whole lot bigger. Our scheduled and random jam sessions keep me on my toes. I definitely love you all...

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